Do’s & Don’ts for Parents: Tips for Supporting your High School Student-Athlete through College Recruitment

By Mackenzi Phelan

Supporting your athlete through the college recruitment process can be challenging. As a parent, you likely want your child to make choices that enhance their quality of life as well as create opportunities to develop themselves further. However, even with the best of intentions, you might inadvertently impact your child in ways that you didn’t foresee.

Having navigated the recruitment process myself and with my siblings—each of us competing in different divisions and sports—I have firsthand experience about the importance of letting your child lead their recruitment journey. My parents were always there to help with information and resources but the work of contacting programs and setting up visits was on me (and each of my siblings). Each one of us competed in college sports at levels that complemented our values and goals.

Following are the top Do’s and Don’ts of supporting your child through recruitment.

Don’t push your child into college sports if it is not their genuine interest, even if they need scholarship money to attend college. Regardless of how much money you invested in youth sports and their development or how talented your young athlete is, it is their passion and well-being at stake. Talent alone is not a reason to pursue collegiate sports.

Do be honest with yourself and your child. It is critical that your child drives this process. If you find yourself doing most of the work or constantly nagging your athlete to complete a recruitment task list, it might be time to have a curious conversation with your athlete about their desire and commitment to compete in college.

Use “I” statements to get the conversation started. For example, “I noticed that you have not been reaching out to programs despite having your list of top programs set. I am curious, what is getting in the way of contacting the coaches?”

I had a teammate who committed to a college because her parents wanted her there, not because it was her top school. Once at college, the athlete struggled academically, lost passion for the sport, and felt out of place. After transferring to the school that she preferred, she thrived.

Your child NEEDS to be leading the college recruitment journey to ensure that they are setting themselves up for long-term success.

Don’t put pressure on your athlete to go DI or talk about a pro career beyond college. Regardless of how talented and hard-working your child is, the reality is that much of recruitment is outside of their control. Focusing on variables outside of their control will only increase the stress and anxiety related to recruitment.

Do remember the broader picture. Only about 7% of high school athletes make it to college sports at any level, and less than 2% of college athletes go professional. That means that 98% will join the workforce or pursue further education following graduation.

College athletics offer valuable skills and networking opportunities that can benefit your child beyond their athletic career. Help your child identify their academic needs, career interests, and personal values to support their growth both within and outside of sport.

Don’t compare your athlete to their siblings, teammates, or friends. Furthermore, don’t get caught up in parent gossip chains about recruitment and who has committed where. Just say “no” to the parent group chats. Even seemingly benign comparisons may create undue pressure or negatively affect your child’s confidence. Each athlete’s journey is unique. Comparing your athlete to others may detract from their personal experiences, needs, achievements, and values.

Do encourage your child to focus on their own goals, values, and growth. This will help your child to create their own path and maintain a positive outlook throughout their recruitment process.

Don’t make recruitment about you. Your child’s athletic journey is not about fulfilling your “could haves” or “wish you would haves.” Trying to live out a parent’s childhood dream or unfulfilled goal puts tremendous pressure on a child that may lead to more serious issues such as anxiety, depression or eating disorders.

Do allow your child to explore options that interest them, even if they are non-traditional. We often often have a mentality of “DI or bust” when it comes to college recruitment. Egos get attached to division levels. However, there are a variety of options that allow high school athletes to compete at the next level. Think of the “next level” as synonymous to the “just right” fit for your child instead of getting caught up with the prestige of division levels or college names.

Encourage your athlete to explore all available opportunities to help them find their best fit. After an injury led me to lose some offers, my parents supported my decision to consider junior college as a stepping stone. This opportunity allowed me to regain my strength and confidence, ultimately leading me to compete at a Division I level. Your support in exploring diverse paths can make a big difference in their success and satisfaction.

Don’t worry about your child regretting their decision. Regret is a difficult emotion and, yet, it is a powerful teacher. Pushing your child to continue in sports or to pursue a particular program so that they don’t regret a lost opportunity only teaches them to make decisions out of fear.

Do allow your child to make mistakes and learn from them. After all, resilience is about bouncing back from adversity. Not preparing for a call or not speaking to a coach at a showcase may lead to a lost opportunity. However, your child will learn from that experience and adapt their behavior because it. This is a more powerful lesson than doing something because “my parents said to.”

Don’t assume that your child will receive a scholarship. Furthermore, be thoughtful about the amount of pressure you place upon your child to be a scholarship athlete. Your athlete may find a program that they would thrive in but pass up the opportunity for fear of disappointing you or others.

Do discuss the financial considerations candidly. Understanding the cost of college and what financial support you can provide is crucial. It’s better to have these discussions early on to avoid the disappointment of falling in love with a school that’s financially out of reach.

Help your child understand the difference between athletic scholarships and other types of financial aid. Many athletes have both athletic and academic scholarships that are based on high school GPAs, test scores, and in-state or out-of-state residency. Learning about FAFSA, scholarships, and grants will help your athlete make informed decisions.

Note: sports outside of football, basketball, women's volleyball, tennis, and gymnastics do not regularly offer full-ride scholarships. Many sports only offer partial scholarships or none at the NCAA Division III level. Look here for more detailed information about scholarships.

Don't pass judgements — Good or bad. Whether you get excited about one program (“I am so excited for you to visit [blank] university - you are going to love it there!”) or make a seemingly benign comment about another (“That’s an interesting choice”), your child will internalize your judgements which will influence their decision process.

Do remember that your influence is never neutral. Remember that whatever you DO say in addition to whatever you DON’T say will be internalized. With this in mind, try to respond to all recruitment comments neutrally (“The travel plans are all set for your trip. How are you feeling about the visit?”) or with curiosity (“I am not familiar with that program, I am curious how you learned about it?”) to ensure that your athlete comes to their own conclusions about the programs they are in contact with.

Helping your athlete navigate the college recruitment process isn't about leading the journey. Rather, it is about taking supportive role as your child navigates a challenging process and being present for when they need your help. And, trust me, they will. Your role is to celebrate their achievements, be curious about their considerations, ask honest questions, and support their decisions. And, be patient. It may take some time for your child to find the right path.

Each athlete’s journey is unique. It’s important to remain flexible and open to their evolving goals, values, and interests. After helping three kids through college recruitment, my parents’ biggest piece of advice to other parents is to follow your child’s lead on how they prefer to navigate the process.

Your encouragement will help your athlete build confidence to identify the path that best aligns with their aspirations, values, and strengths. By providing support, being open to honest conversations, and celebrating their progress, you will not only help your child through this process but also create space for positive connections and memories that will strengthen your relationship as they prepare to leave home.

Have more questions or curious about how to address concerns about recruitment? Athlete Insight offers support both to parents and student athletes. Reach out today to schedule a complimentary discovery call to learn more about how we can help you and/or your child. Click here to learn more about our College Recruitment Excellence Program.

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Questions for High School Student Athletes to Ask during College Recruitment Visits

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6 Tips for Student Athletes Navigating College Recruitment